Baby Rick Asserts His Authority

So, for those of you who don't know, Baby Rick and I spent a few days in the hospital (15 to be exact, minus a day and a half where we got to go home). Rick was fine; in fact, I think he thought he was at sleep-over camp. He kicked, rolled, and did endless flips all while I was laid up in bed, strung out on narcotics, and still vomiting endlessly. Rick had a great time. I had a time. I don't think Rick cared much about me being sick or hungry or uncomfortable. He just cared about having a good time. And as Lisa and I quickly discovered, what is important to Rick is now all that is important to us. Patrick Ross is weeks away from being born and he is already asserting his authority.

In spite of it all, Lisa and I still had a good time watching Rick roll around in my belly and listening to him on the fetal monitor. He is very cute in line form (i.e. the fetal monitor) and even cuter in 3D ultrasound form. We got an ultra sound of him the first week we were in the hospital. That's when we found out that he already weighs 3 lbs 11 oz. (In spite of too much time trying to get our scanner to work, I have given up. Ultra sound pics of Patrick to come later.)

Unfortunately, I am not so cute these days. Much cuter than my ulcer, but that says very little because my ulcer is damn ugly. I can't decide whether to attach a picture of it or not. I find it fascinating, but others find it nauseating; which is appropriate considering it was my 7 months of vomiting that brought on this ulcer.

OK, so here is the run down: I went into the hospital two Saturdays ago when a braxton hicks (sp?) contraction led to intense cramping and chest pain that wouldn't go away. I had also been experiencing increased nausea and vomiting which had decreased my fluid and food intake. They kept me over night at the hospital until they got the contractions under control and determined that Patrick was doing fine. So we went home Sunday and I proceeded to throw up more and more. By Monday afternoon I wasn't able to keep water down either. We called our midwives who had me call my bariatric surgeon. By the time I called her she was no longer in her office. The next morning she called and ordered me to the hospital immediately. When we got to the hospital I was given a bariatric surgeon, an OB, and soon after a GI specialist.

The theory when I first arrived at the hospital was that I had developed a blockage in my bowels as a result of the gastric bypass. My theory was different, though. I figured that after 7 months of vomiting, I had aggravated my stomach and pulled some stomach muscles. I also knew I had a hernia at my belly button, which is common in pregnancy. I knew that the hernia hurt severely when I was vomiting. I also knew that I could eat less and less fiber type foods without getting sick. I couldn't even eat a damn salad without feeling like I was going to die. So, my theory was that I had puked myself into constant pain and my stomach was sick of food.

The doctors politely (some of them were polite) dismissed this notion. They gave me an ultrasound to rule out gall bladder problems and a cat scan to rule out hernias and blockages, but they were pretty sure they would find a blockage. Lisa was freaking out at this point thinking I was going to have to have surgery or die. They didn't find a blockage, I didn't have to have surgery and I am not dead. That's when they called in the GI docs. They did a scope on my stomach and that is when they found my massive ulcer. So, it turns out, after all the vomiting, I had developed an ulcer. Because of the propensity for bypass patients to develop ulcers at their incision sites, my ulcer was outrageous. This explained the intense pain and my inability to keep food down.

They treated this ulcer with heavy doses of pepcid type things, took me off of hard foods to ease stress on my stomach, put me on an IV feeding system, and gave me heavy narcotics. The ulcer will take a long time to heal and will likely need surgery after Rick is born. In the meantime, all the things they did to help the ulcer led to... how shall I put it? A slow down in my internal plumbing. The slow down led to increased pain, which led to increased narcotic consumption and increased refusal to eat any food, let alone the soft stuff. This led to an increased slowdown in my plumbing and an increase in pain. When the doctors finally figured out what was causing all my trouble, they gave me another x-ray to confirm it and began the process of getting my plumbing going.

I am now home and working very hard at staying there. That's the story. I'm sure I left tons out, but to be fair, I was high as a kite most of the time.

We were scared to death at first because they wanted to operate which could have caused an early arrival for Rick. A very early arrival. After that we were just confused and I think Lisa was still pretty worried about me. I was just frustrated, I think. I don't quite remember.

But let's take a moment to talk about Lisa. While I was sick in bed, she was the one who was really suffering. Seriously. She had to either sleep on an uncomfortable cot or drive 45 minutes each way to be with me. She hardly slept for two weeks, she missed work, fell behind in her research, did and still does all of the cleaning, laundry and errands. She was so tired by the end of my hospital stay that she crashed in my hospital bed while I got dressed and ready to go. When the technician came in to take my temp and blood pressure, she tried to wake Lisa. I explained I was the patient, but she didn't believe me. In fact, she kind of laughed at me. She kept looking me up and down and looking back over at Lisa in the bed. Poor woman. I hadn't seen her in my 2 weeks in the hospital. I think she was really shocked and confused.

I have an Outie Now

So, I always swore I would never let anyone take or, at least, disseminate pictures of my naked belly just because I am pregnant. This, however, is too funny looking not to share. I can make my belly button pop out at will and then pull it back in. Initially, I took the picture myself, and it was a good closeup, but the picture I took didn't look like a belly at all. It looked like a breast and while, as you can tell from this photo, no one should ever mistake a big pregnant belly for a breast of mine, I decided to have Lisa take the picture instead. Unfortunately, you can't quite see the outie as well here, but you get the overall idea, I think. You also get to see me at most typical: sitting in my recliner reclining while Lisa does stuff for me. Life pregnant is good--except for the daily vomiting, lower-back pain, shooting pains in the belly, leg cramps, and constant hunger. All that aside (hell, all that included) I really like being pregnant.

On a more practical note, my belly is clearly really big now, which means it is time to move on to stretchy maternity pants. I think I have a student who will turn my current big pants into maternity pants by replacing the top of my jeans with stretchy stuff. Any idea, anyone out there, what kind of stretchy stuff I need to buy so it can be sewn onto my pants. I've been putting this off for too long I think. Patrick has been trying to crawl out through my belly button and stretching my gut into a new zip code (F.Y.I. the stretch marks in the photo are old, but the pain in my stomach is all new, let me tell you). Oh, and don't worry Mom, my hair just needs to be combed. It's normally much prettier :).

That's all for now.

Making Room for Rick

So, we have been putting together Baby Rick's room. It's overwhelming, let me say. We have lots of stuff already--generously donated by family and friends, and we have lots of stuff coming from Nana and Papa Straight sometime soon. For now, though, we needed the basics to get the room started. So, I recruited our trusted student and future Rick sitter, Alex, to go to BabiesRUs with me and find those basics. It was supposed to be a quick trip, but it took us hours to figure out what kind of mattress pad to get for the changing table. And then we had to find a sheet to go with it. I told everyone in the store that my inability to do this efficiently was Alex's fault. She appreciated that.

Anyhoo... The room is sort of put together now. It is a nice mix of little girl and little boy stuff and a whole lot of stuff in between. (We have lots of nieces so we have a bunch of pink stuff. We have been getting boy stuff lately. We mostly bought gender neutral stuff ourselves, though. It works well.)

On the vomit front: Rick no longer likes McDonalds, which is great; but I have yet to figure out what he does like--other than pizza. He also doesn't like my old standby of protein bars. If I try and eat salads or even carrots... well, watch out. Oh, and raisin bran is out now. It's no wonder I'm losing weight again. But, don't worry, I checked with the mid-wives and they aren't worried. I am still healthy and Rick is a friggin soccer player (he's taking after his Aunt Amber already). He's doing great and getting all the nutrients he needs. I may be sick everyday, but I'm having a great time anyway. So, don't worry about our health and the mid-wives asked me to tell everyone to stop scaring me with your worries.

On the clothing front, it's almost time for me to move to stretchy pants. I have decided to take Ann "Boo" Hamada McClaughlin's advice and get one of the students in the costume shop in the theatre dept. to convert my pants into maternity pants. The cast for the play we just finished bought me a new, sturdier pair of suspenders too, so my pants haven't fallin off at all in days. (They also bought Patrick two pairs of argyle socks--the play was about a man who has a fetish for his father's argyle socks. Aren't the actors sweet?)

That's all for now, I guess. This was not an exciting blog, but I have been told that an update was needed. Here you have it. Oh, and my pictures to come later.

Oh, and... Patrick likes Lisa Best!

So, while Baby Rick likes to make me throw up on a regular basis still, while he likes to step on my bladder in the middle of an important teaching moment, while he keeps me up all night with his over-active antics... Do you know what he does to Lisa? He follows her voice around my belly! If she talks, he starts moving. If she speaks to the left side of my belly, he moves to that side. If she then speaks to the right side of my belly, he moves to that side. He's been doing this for about a week now, I think. Lisa can lead him around my belly like she has him on a leash! He loves her! And he doesn't make her throw up or anything. Well, he does make her go to McDonalds against her will, but he doesn't make her eat it, just buy it.

I'm pretty sure that Patrick likes Lisa best. I'm not sure how I feel about this.

Having a Baby is Kind of Like Farming, Right?

As you all know by now, I have struggled to find appropriate maternity wear, and by appropriate, I mean appropriate for me. My friend Kat pointed out in a very clear and easy to accept way that maternity has a style of its own and it has no concern for your personal aesthetic or personality. Pregnancy is its own aesthetic, she says. I can see that, and more importantly, I can live with that. So, I have decided, when the time comes, I will suck it up and by the pseudo butch maternity pants that so many of you have recommended at Old Navy and the like. I will also look into the bella band and maybe see if I can talk the kids in the costume shop to sew some elastic panels on my recently purchased $10 Kmart men's jeans.

For now, however, I remain stubbornly attached to my own butch aesthetic. Lisa took me out about two weeks ago and bought me a couple of pairs of really big jeans, button-down shirts (with snaps, which I love!), and suspenders. We didn't try them on all together before we left Kmart. I just made sure the jeans fit and the suspenders were comfortable and we went home. Once home, I got dressed to go to rehearsal and... surprise, surprise... I have put a whole new spin on the maternity aesthetic!
I look like a damn farmer, but a damn cute farmer according to Lisa. (My head and hair aren't really that big. It's just a shadow.) The suspenders work well, and the clothes are really comfortable. That is important since I am growing like crazy right now--see, the farmer look makes sense. I'm growing something. Also, Baby Rick is kicking like crazy (I don't know if it was all the men's gymnastics I watched this summer or the musical theatre auditions I watched just as he started moving, but this baby can't sit still. I like that about him.) so I need some extra room in the belly to accomodate the movement. Anyway, the clothes are working, but I definitely look less like a pregnant lady who is entitled to throw up in the women's bathroom and far more like a beer-bellied, dirty old man who might be the last person you should let in a woman's bathroom. Fortunately, I spend a lot of time in the theatre department these days where people are far less worried about such details.

As for all the time I am spending in the theatre department right now: the chair of our department, Bob, is directing a play called Psychopathia Sexualis. Bob hasn't been feeling so hot lately so he asked me to help out. One thing led to another and now I am doing rehearsals pretty much every day. And, I must say, I am loving it. I am exhausted but it is fun and Baby Rick seems to like it too. He starts kicking hard at all the right times. I think he has already developed a keen sense of camp humor (that's our boy).

Lisa has been a real trooper, too. She brings me food at rehearsal whenever I want her to--and since I never know when Rick's going to be hungry, Lisa maybe hitting the road any time from 6-10. Unfortunately for Lisa and me Rick still rejects most foods, but he really likes $1 cheeseburgers from McDonalds. I hate McDonalds and Lisa can't even stand the smell of it. But Lisa heads to McDonalds multiple times a week and brings me a cheeseburger anyway. Sometimes she stays and watches rehearsal for a bit, too. It has become a real family affair. That's one of the good things about McDonalds, I get to see Lisa even though I am always at work. The other good thing is that I have finally put on a few more pounds so the mid-wives are encouraging my occassional McDonalds trips. Go figure.

Well, that's all for now. I must return to grading and working on the play and watching football.

The Annual Relocation and an Update on Pants

It seems every year we move. And that is what we are up to right now. I would like to say that we won't be moving next year this time, but I'm sure we will. We are really only moving this year to be closer to work for Baby Rick's impending arrival. Next year we may move back to Philly, who knows.

Anyway, the move is no big thing this time since we had to hire movers (me being pregnant and Lisa being back challenged). The great thing about moving when you are pregnant is that you get to be a slacker the whole time. The rotten thing about moving when you are pregnant is that you Have to be a slacker the whole time. The packing process is going amazingly slow.

The other advantage for ME of moving when pregnant is that I don't have to worry about what I am wearing. Who cares if I wear a wife beater and dirty, baggy shorts all day. Lisa thinks I'm beautifully pregnant no matter what I do. And I only leave the house to look for boxes at places where people just don't care. So, I haven't had to worry about the clothes issue at all and I won't have to worry for at least another week. But I have gotten some good advice since the last posts. For example (because I know there are some very interested parties out there): don't count on overalls because you may inadvertently wet your pants in the last trimester. It might be cheaper to buy cheap men's pants and have them tailored with elastic stuff. Or, courtesy of Ann "Boo" Hamada and Kevin Aptowicz--the Bella Band (http://www.ingridandisabel.com/bellaband.html). You just leave your pants un-buttoned and put this elastic band over your pants and they stay on. Or, you buy baggy pants and the band keeps them from falling down. Also, many folks have insisted that I will have to suck it up and wear maternity pants in the last weeks. The best options people have suggested for least-girly-maternity wear has been Old Navy. That will have to do if worst comes to worst.

So, for now, I will stick with my loose fitting men's shorts. Next I will wear loose fitting men's pants. Then I will get a Bella Band and either have men's pants tailored or buy some Old Navy pants.

Here's to Pants!

And, please, help me hold this over Rick's head in his teen years when he is putting his mommies through hell. Tell him, "Rick, your Mommy Liz wore lady's pants for you! Show her the respect she has earned!"

Denim Does Not Butch Make

This is Rick and me on our front porch in Philly (Rick's the one in the middle and Mommy Lisa is taking the picture). I don't think this picture quite does justice to just how pregnant I look, especially for those of you who are used to seeing me with a big belly anyway. In fact, this may just look like I developed a chicken neck for no reason, but, alas, there is a baby in there.
As it is summer right now, I am getting away with wearing whatever fits. In a few weeks I will be teaching again and it will be time to dress normal--no, Mom, not normal-normal, but normal-for-me-normal. Hence the title of this blog. What will I wear.
I have very much appreciated all of the helpful suggestions on what to do for maternity wear and where to go to find it; however, folks, just because it is denim and doesn't have a floral print does not mean it is masculine--at least, not masculine by butch dyke standards. See, here's the thing with being a butch dyke (and, for those of you who don't know, I am not insulting myself by calling myself a butch dyke. I am quite proud of who I am and am perfectly comfortable with the label. But don't you dare call me that unless you say it with love... or total admiration, like Lisa does)... Anyhoo, the thing with being a butch dyke is this: we don't simply where masculine women's clothes, we wear--generally speaking--men's clothes. And we don't dress to look like men, we dress to look like ourselves, butch dykes (though sometimes we do dress to look like men, but then we typically refer to ourselves as something other than butch dykes in those moments). Now, a great disadvantage for many a butch dyke is that her body type does not easily fit the way men's clothes are cut. Hence, the fashionably wise butch dyke wears her clothes a little loose as opposed to wearing them too tight (Too tight has the decidedly negative effect of making pants bind at the hips and ride to high on the waist and at the ankle. You end up looking like you don't know how to dress yourself.) For years I was really over weight, so I was lucky to find clothes that fit at all. After I lost the weight, I had no hips, no breasts, and not much of an ass either. So once I figured out what size clothes to wear, I did okay. It just took me a bit to figure out why my pants needed to be considerably longer than I was used to (my stomach wasn't in the way anymore). I could wear what I wanted and find what I wanted just about anywhere I wanted. I could dress just like the butch dyke I love to be.
Now, that I am pregnant, however, I am in trouble. So far I have been wearing looser pants and not buttoning my shirts up with an undershirt underneath. As my belly grows, and grows, this will not be an option. My belly is already starting to push my pants down when I'm not looking. The other day, my hands were full as I was walking to the house and I had no choice but to let my pants drop to my ankles and hope no one saw. At least I didn't trip.
So, I need to figure out what to wear this fall semester while I am teaching. I do not want to wear women's clothes--though, I hear I may have no choice on this matter once I hit the 8th month. I never try to dress fancy to teach, so that isn't a concern, but I don't want to wear the same pair of overalls everyday--though, that idea does sound appealing. I've never been cool, so that's not a concern either. I just want to be dressed and remain ME while do it. Is that too much to ask? No, really, is it? I need to know.
I'm in a bind folks. Suggestions would be great. But, remember, Denim does not butch make. Please don't try and convince me that the loose cut jeans in Target's maternity department are manly. I checked. They aren't. At least, not by my standards. Besides, when I am in the maternity department, people stare at me and start looking around like Oprah's camera crew will appear at any moment.